I’m Hurting And God Still Wants To Use Me

goldjapan

“In Japan, broken objects are often repaired with gold. The flaw is seen as a unique piece of the object’s history, which adds to its beauty.” -Unknown Photo Source: Pinterest

*taps mic*

Is this thing on?

*blows dust off blog*

I haven’t posted since January. Why? I felt like I didn’t have anything to say, which leads to another “Why?”. Because I was hurting.

Last year I filmed a video entitled “Dear God Where’s My Baby?” in which I poured my heart out about the struggle I was having in waiting on God’s perfect timing to open my womb. Can I be honest? After the video things got really bad. I did and said some things that I’m not proud of. I lived in a tormented state of confusion as the doctors reported that they found NOTHING wrong with my husband and I. On many days I wondered if it was possible for my hurt to sink lower. I found out it was as I sat on the couch one day with tears streaming down my face as I told my husband I no longer had the desire to live. More tears stream down as I type this, because I can’t believe how low I was.

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