I’m Hurting And God Still Wants To Use Me

goldjapan

“In Japan, broken objects are often repaired with gold. The flaw is seen as a unique piece of the object’s history, which adds to its beauty.” -Unknown Photo Source: Pinterest

*taps mic*

Is this thing on?

*blows dust off blog*

I haven’t posted since January. Why? I felt like I didn’t have anything to say, which leads to another “Why?”. Because I was hurting.

Last year I filmed a video entitled “Dear God Where’s My Baby?” in which I poured my heart out about the struggle I was having in waiting on God’s perfect timing to open my womb. Can I be honest? After the video things got really bad. I did and said some things that I’m not proud of. I lived in a tormented state of confusion as the doctors reported that they found NOTHING wrong with my husband and I. On many days I wondered if it was possible for my hurt to sink lower. I found out it was as I sat on the couch one day with tears streaming down my face as I told my husband I no longer had the desire to live. More tears stream down as I type this, because I can’t believe how low I was.

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Don’t Forget the Promise #Believe2017

Photo credit: mindstepinc.com

Photo credit: mindstepinc.com

A few weeks ago I went to visit a buddy of mine in hospice. Yes, hospice. She had a stroke this summer. To my knowledge she was on the road to recovery. I’d snap her a few times and she would respond. There’s even a video of her on Facebook learning how to walk again. This is why I was shocked to receive news that doctors had given her 5 days to live. Read More…

SURPRISE! Introducing “GOLDEN”: A Monthly Cinematic Devotional

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What do you do when you want more from your devotionals? You create what you wish existed.

You’ve heard me say this summer was challenging on multiple occasions. Not only did I struggle with accepting God’s timing for us to start a family, I had a major internal struggle about my career. I was in the process of writing devotions that would be a free monthly download on my blog, but I honestly wasn’t feeling it. My passion for film had returned with a vengeance. Read More…

Somebody Prayed for Me

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“I need God to make someone I NEVER talk to call me with a word of encouragement.”

I lightheartedly spoke these words to my husband about six weeks ago. It’s no secret I’m currently in a difficult season (it happens to all of us). I’ve been doing what I know to do to endure: pray, read my bible, fast, be in community with other believers, etc. I’ve even mentioned counseling a few times to my husband, but I needed more.

I facetiously told my husband how I wanted God to have a completely random person call me with a word of encouragement, but in my heart I was serious.

Well, excuse my bad grammar, but God be knowing.

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Summer 2016 Was My Worst Summer Ever

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When Steve and I first started dating 3 years ago each season was the “best season ever”, because we had each other. Our first summer together was our “best summer ever”. Our first fall together was our “best fall ever”. And on & on and on. You get the gist. However, for the first time this summer wasn’t another “best summer ever” for the books. It was the exact opposite: Worst. Summer. Ever. Read More…

Save the Best for Last: You’re Okay

coffeewhengodsaidyes

Two Sundays ago I woke up with this song by Vanessa Williams in my head:

“Just when I thought our chance had passed, you go and save the best for last.”

If my life were a movie, this would be the soundtrack. Indeed.

I remember when I had to drop out of Columbia College Chicago, while looking at everyone else around me continue their education. I was confused and hurt. Gosh, just thinking about that sad time in my life, makes me want to travel back in time and hug my 18-year-old self. Read More…