God Lives in the Broken Places: Mourning the First Born

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As I sit here eating the chocolate coconut milk “ice cream” I picked up from Trader Joe’s last week, I realize I’m currently in a broken place. I’ve been here for awhile and although I’m well aware I won’t be here forever, confession is the first step to repentance right? Or in my case- contentment. 

An old friend of mine lost her son this summer. I don’t know the exact details of what happened, but I do know it was a swimming accident. With each status and picture she shared of her beloved first born, I could feel her pain. Of course I don’t know how it feels to lose a child. However, when I lost my favorite cousin Toya, who was raised as a sister, it felt like someone literally scooped out my insides. I felt empty. I imagine losing a child makes a parent feel beyond empty.

While praying out loud in the kitchen a few weeks ago for her I said “God, you live in the broken places.” I didn’t quite realize what I said until a scripture was recently brought to my remembrance.

My husband is a member of Atmosphere of Heaven. Side note- they recently released a album that is my new favorite. If you struggle with finding great Christian music seriously check them out. Anywho, they had a concert a few weeks ago. I can’t remember the name of the singer before them, but he was singing and flowed into this scripture:

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

FINALLY! I’d been searching for a sign or a clue to know that God hadn’t abandoned me in my time of brokenness. He hadn’t. According to His word he was actually near.

While my old friend mourns the loss of her firstborn, I mourn the seemingly “late” arrival of mine. I know, I know- you can’t compare the two, but there is one thing we have in common: broken hearts. Thank God that means he’s near.

Lastly, I think you should know I took the picture above in the heart of Englewood. Notoriously known for violence and murder (although there is PLENTY of #goodinEnglewood), it seems like the community is broken. However, while driving down 63rd one day this sign literally jumped out at me. It reads “Christ the holy anointed one” with an arrow pointing to the right. I know this is a name of a church, but it’s almost as if the sign is indicating that Christ is near.

In a community that seems broken. In our broken hearts. In our broken faith. In our broken dreams. God is near.

Selah.

R.I.P. Chis Gregoire

Stay Golden,

Tanikia

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