An Open Letter to My Body That Wasn’t Ready For Summer

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This post isn’t for the women who ate clean and lived at the gym all winter. Good for you. Want a cookie? Probably not. Nope, this is for my sisters who tried. We really tried didn’t we? We started over every Monday. Shoot, in some cases we started over every day. We tried. We finally got in our zone, only to get back out. This post is for us.

It’s finally summertime and the living ain’t easy. Maxi dresses are no longer my comfort zone. They betray me, showing all the cupcakes I indulged in over winter. As someone who loves to take pictures I’ve been forced to one angle: the safe, slightly above my head, hide my arms and suck in my stomach angle. Call me petty, but I learned my lesson last summer. I called myself putting up a “sneak peek” of a promotional picture I took for my first book “When God Said Yes”. Not long after someone commented on the picture asking if I were pregnant. *wall slide* I wasn’t pregnant, but my food belly was deceptive and looked like the perfect baby bump- round and THERE. Needless to say, I deleted that picture in a total of 2.5 seconds.

I told myself I’d be ready this summer. #AllSummer16 was going to be mine. As I joined the masses in the gym this January, I told myself I was different from everyone else. Soon everyone would go back to business as usual, abandoning the gym, and I’ll still be there getting my “Serena Williams” on, because summer bodies are made in the winter right?

I purchased a new pretty purple gym bag along with new workout pants and a few shirts. I even got a new pink water bottle. Yet, still- here I am. Did I lose any major weight? I would like to plead the fifth. SMH.

And let’s not forget the mini breakdowns I have almost every other day when I realize in a closet full of clothes I still have nothing to wear. R.I.P. to the clothes I used to be able to fit. I grieve over the clothes I knew I couldn’t fit when purchased with anticipation of losing weight. I might as well kiss those goodbye. I’m beyond the point of return. SOS.

This has been my life for the past year and a half, but something has changed. I prayed and prayed that I would find discipline to treat my temple the way it should be treated. I told God if I could get up early I’ll make time for the gym. Suddenly I’ve been waking up between 5:30-6:00 a.m. every morning. And because  sometimes I’m not oblivious to when God is answering a prayer, my husband and I have been going to the gym. And because I know for a FACT that you can’t out work a bad diet, we’ve been eating clean as well. On multiple occasions MULTIPLE people have asked “Are you losing weight?”. Yes, I am.

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I’m nowhere NEAR my goal weight. I have a LONG way to go. But guess what? The body I have right now deserves love. It deserves to be pampered and spoiled, and adorned. It doesn’t deserve to be hidden. Why am I just now understanding this?

This is dedicated to my sisters whose body, along with mine, wasn’t ready for summer. May we love our body at the size it currently is, purchase clothes that are actually our size, and start to actually DO something about excessive weight- instead of complaining.

Stay Golden,

Tanikia

P.S. #AllSummer17 is ours.

P.P.S I purchased this dress on the Cozumel island of Mexico this April from a tiny shop owned by a husband and wife. Best. Purchase. Ever.

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