I’m Hurting And God Still Wants To Use Me

goldjapan

“In Japan, broken objects are often repaired with gold. The flaw is seen as a unique piece of the object’s history, which adds to its beauty.” -Unknown Photo Source: Pinterest

*taps mic*

Is this thing on?

*blows dust off blog*

I haven’t posted since January. Why? I felt like I didn’t have anything to say, which leads to another “Why?”. Because I was hurting.

Last year I filmed a video entitled “Dear God Where’s My Baby?” in which I poured my heart out about the struggle I was having in waiting on God’s perfect timing to open my womb. Can I be honest? After the video things got really bad. I did and said some things that I’m not proud of. I lived in a tormented state of confusion as the doctors reported that they found NOTHING wrong with my husband and I. On many days I wondered if it was possible for my hurt to sink lower. I found out it was as I sat on the couch one day with tears streaming down my face as I told my husband I no longer had the desire to live. More tears stream down as I type this, because I can’t believe how low I was.

Read More…

I’m Officially A Filmmaker & Why I Can’t Be Silent Anymore: Life Update

nikkiblack

I’m alive and my hope has been restored.

In early December I felt like I had nothing to look forward to. I won’t go into the details of everything, but just know it was bad. “Good Morning Heartache” was my theme song. Blue was the color of life. I was grieving. What exactly? Everything I felt like I lost. I had little desire to live, because I didn’t see my purpose. But I also had no desire to die. So I just existed. Read More…

Don’t Forget the Promise #Believe2017

Photo credit: mindstepinc.com

Photo credit: mindstepinc.com

A few weeks ago I went to visit a buddy of mine in hospice. Yes, hospice. She had a stroke this summer. To my knowledge she was on the road to recovery. I’d snap her a few times and she would respond. There’s even a video of her on Facebook learning how to walk again. This is why I was shocked to receive news that doctors had given her 5 days to live. Read More…

SURPRISE! Introducing “GOLDEN”: A Monthly Cinematic Devotional

mamasaidpromo

What do you do when you want more from your devotionals? You create what you wish existed.

You’ve heard me say this summer was challenging on multiple occasions. Not only did I struggle with accepting God’s timing for us to start a family, I had a major internal struggle about my career. I was in the process of writing devotions that would be a free monthly download on my blog, but I honestly wasn’t feeling it. My passion for film had returned with a vengeance. Read More…